so

i haven't posted in so so long. and honestly it might be awhile before i post again.

Right now i'm in a weird place. I don't know how i feel about it.

high school.

Quite an interesting place to be.

I know friends grow apart. It sucks. It's just part of life! but still. sometimes its really hard to deal with. sometimes the growing apart is over the silliest things. and i hate that.

I miss a lot of things. But at the same time, there are things in my life right now that are so perfect that the things that i miss don't even matter. Today was a scary day. I don't want to lose something that i've worked at so much for. I'm doing what i'm doing for a reason. Because i know it's what i want, and i hope it's mutual.

I'm kinda sad. I want a certain somebody right now. I miss her.

i feel

so sick. Never shall i ever drink one of my delicious smoothies this fast again.

(yes. i'm back in the habit of making my delicious smoothies. Best habit ever!)

sooooooooooooooooo.

This was a very odd weekend for me. it felt very eventful for me and very uneventful at the same time. Friday night was lovely. went to the melting pot, and then watched a movie afterwards at my house. Melting pot was delicious, and the movie was really fun : ]


Saturday through sunday was interesting. I'm not gonna really post about it because it would take way too long to describe my epicly long and boring weekend haha (So i guess it wasn't interesting?)


so lets blog about something interesting! (i'm over using the word interesting)

how about music?

naw. that'd be too like me. (all i post about is my band)

how about changing who we are as people? yes. i've been thinking about that alot this weekend.
(Not much else to do.)

question: How does one change something about themselves that needs to be changed?

answer: By taking the initiative, and by using will power. First off, make sure the change that you are instilling within yourself is a good change. Not all change needs to be immediate. Sometimes baby steps are very effective. (believe me.) I'm trying to change, and I'm sure the benefits outweigh the negatives. I don't absolutely need the change. But I want to because it'll mean the happiness and love of another. There was alot of downtime for me this weekend. it was hard for me, i'm not gonna lie haha.

I'm so unfamiliar with boredom. I don't know what to do with it. I fear it. I loathe it. I truly believe it is my greatest practical fear. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like when i get bored, i'm terrified and start crying. It's just that when i'm bored i don't know what to do with myself. I get depressed. Sometimes i get really depressed.

I think that's why i turned to so many things i have in the past. They never let me get bored. And now that i'm slowly weaning myself from those things, I'm finding that i have more and more time with nothing to do. I play lots of guitar. I watch lots of tv. But i feel like no matter how much time i spend doing the two, they will never be enough to fill the downtime i have. It's hard for me.

Now, i know that everyone has to put up with the same shit i do. I really don't want to come across as a complainer (though i think i am coming across as one). Everyone has their stupid flaws. i guess mine is time management.

Anyways! back to people changing parts of themselves! Change can be difficult. Change can be so fucking hard you don't know how to go about doing it. But just remember the reason why you're changing. If it's not worth the change, then maybe you're wasting your time. But maybe it is worth the change. And if it is, then please god. Change.


(by the way. every comment i made in parentheses was made after the original post when i reread it. yep. i'm bored. uh oh haha)