great

day today! In speech, my duo got alot of work done on it, and i'm feeling pretty damn good about it.

And because i just got back from band practice, i'm going to talk about my band : ]

So... we're playing at next week's talent show! i'm super pumped for that. we're gonna rock it. But there are some major concerns i have...

We timed out set, and it was about 12 minutes long. If you add in me talking to the crowd and stuff, we'll probably need around 13 minutes. I'm not sure if student council will let us have that much time. So that's an issue.

Secondly. Our set consists of an intro we wrote (which is pretty cool. It can be a little mechanical at times, but it certainly does have a hook in it. It ends with me soloing... Which obviously i love. but for some reason its not a groove i'm hooking up with. I can't tap into it and find those perfect notes quite yet. i'll work on it.) Our next song is an original called "Driving Force". We wrote it wiith our old singer Alex singing. With me singing it, it's a little different, and i'm a little put off by it. I'm not gonna lie. I solo at the end of this one too. This one even more so than the first, i'm having a hard time making beautiful connections to the bass line. (even my solo on the recording on our myspace leaves something to be desired...)

During our performance, i'll have to guitar solo's. This is the talent show. I want people to be amazed! (does that sound cocky?) and right now i don't feel like the two solo's i'll have will allow me to do so. That worries me.

And not only that.

Our final song is a RHCP cover (of course it is haha). It's called "Purple Stain". Don't get me wrong, i love this song! but i'm not sure if the audience will. It's pretty out there. And also, it doesn't highlight my guitar playing. It ends with this monster jam, which is a blast to play. But again, i'm afraid of the audience not getting it, and thinking it's just "noise". overall, this is the song i'm most iffy on. I honestly don't want to play it at all. (only problem is eric and gabe are set on it.)

So yeah... I may come off like a dick because I want all the songs to have some awesome guitar part. I just want to be known around the school as a genuine guitar player. I take myself and my band pretty seriously, and i want everyone else too.

I just want to put on the best show possible. It just happens that i believe that the best show we could play would consist of me playing some awesome guitar : ]

tonight

kinda sucks. I was suppose to go out, but that of course didn't end up happening unfortunately.


So i'm stuck here watching tv, waiting for lost (the best show ever) to come on.

this was kind of a pointless post. I don't have much to say tonight. it's a slow, quiet, lonely, and cold night haha. My next post will be deeper hopefully!

i'm skipping

first period today. I'm in a bad mood. I might just skip the whole day.

absolutely

nothing to do tonight! blech. i hate being bored. i guess i'll just watch tv, and play guitar. Sounds like a plan : ]

i can say

sorry. I can say it over and over again. But that won't do anything. I know this.

Actions speak louder than words. Ideas become actions. And i have a few good ideas right now. I just wish time could fast forward three or four weeks. Then I'd be able to see how it'll all play out.

I said some stuff last time. I kinda ignored what i sayed. And when i say kinda, i mean completely. I regret that.

I'm not going to say the same stuff this time. Because i don't have to. My actions will show my feelings. I need to be the one who takes the initiative.

It's just hard, you know? I've lost all credibility. Because of that, my words mean nothing. I don't expect any faith in me.

So Bec Kim was telling me about her ex-boyfriend today. Their situation was pretty damn similiar to mine. Her boyfriend would say he would stop, but then he wouldn't. And then he would say he'd stop again. And then he wouldn't. It just became this giant on and off let down, and grew into a rift for their relationship.

So i realize. I don't want to be that guy! If i say i'm going to stop, I need to stop! and if i'm not going to, then i shouldn't say i will! That's unfair.

Right now i feel like it'd be even more unfair for me to make any promises, or hopeful statements. So i'm not going to. But what I will say is I know what I want. I want you.

oh my

life is good : ]

so...

I'm sorry haha. my last post was a little bit dramatic. I'm in a much better mood now. (talk about mood swings.. : /)

You two are right. I really didn't mean what i said to you guys. I clearly didn't think about what a blog was when i said that haha (yep. i'm an idiot : ])

Things can just get frustrating. Today wasn't a good day for me. That's all!

I mean when you invest so much time into something, and then it doesn't work, it's very upsetting. I put alot of myself into this band of mine. We had a really good thing going, and then somebody decides to leave.

Let me get something straight. I am in no way shape or form mad at alex. I mean how could i be? He says being a performer is just not his thing. Could i really be mad at someone for not wanting to do something? i mean, that'd just be cruel!

Anyways, it's just frustrasting when you're set back to square one. But now I realize that square one isn't a bad thing. It's a chance to start over. do things right. Alex wasn't a productive songwriter. He would contribute in practice, and that's all. With me taking his place for now, I know i will concentrate so so much more on creating songs, and making this band happen. I think things are really about to take off!

SO with that on my plate, on top of a failing english grade, i got a bit hasty earlier. I hope you can forgive me : ]

Courtney: happy birthday again. Last time i said it, it was kinda awkward? haha i don't know. I'm really saying it now. I hope you enjoy being 16. You can now legally stay out till midnight. Party it up girl!!!

Sammi: Feel better baby : ]

i've had

a long day so far. And now i feel awful. I feel physically sick, and mentally drained and depressed and fogged up. I'm gonna go sleep it off. Oh the beauty of weekends. You can escape life through sleep whenever you want.

Life is swell

I had a good night. Checkers was pretty intense. Oh cups and crepez : ]


after dinner with sammi, i got home and played some guitar. And i have got to tell ya... I fucking love guitar. It's so expressive and beautiful. No matter how i'm feeling, my guitar is always there for me, just sitting there waiting to be played. Sometimes i have off days and can't connect, and can't communicate the sounds i would like to on my guitar. Well tonight isn't like that at all. As i started playing, i imagined i was playing a show, and acted like what i was about to play was what i was opening with (i have to admit... I got pretty into it haha). Then from there i doodled with some song ideas i had and sang to them. I'm starting to become more and more open to the idea of me singing for my band. The songs i'm working with right now are just so me. I love them.

From there i just started soloing. tonight i just tapped into this energy, and i really feel like i went somewhere i don't go very often. These nights are rare. They're gold for writing music. Now i'm going to work on writing lyrics for the potential songs i have!

oh music. I adore you : ]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhh

the band is finally back on track and heading in a solid direction.

Today was such a good day. Tomorrow will probably be just as good.

Question: do i shower before the show tonight?

Answer: i believe i will. Sometimes i shower just because i like to. Is that weird? haha

good

morning! i feel physically and mentally great. My cold is basically gone, and all is good in the land of casey-ville.

So... School has been in session for about two weeks now. Not gonna lie. Not doing as well as i could be haha. I need to pick up my shit. I said that i would, and i even made it my new year's resolution that i would. Therefore starting now, I'm trying harder.

what is and never should be

I feel like I have a pretty good grip on reality. I try not to be over dramatic about things, i try not to judge people, and i try to be kind to others. Well, i guess i'm not perfect because

1. I kinda am dramatic about things in my own way. When something's really bothering me, i have a habit to just bottle it up, and because of that i get moody, and instead of talking it out, i do the opposite. I just get in a bad mood, and talk to no one. When that happens all i want to do is sleep.

2. I do judge people sometimes. Kinda? i don't know. I feel like I judge people in the sense that i'll see someone i don't know much about, and immediately have an idea of what that person is like. I don't judge people in the sense that i don't get angry at people for doing some stupid things. Because the way i look at it is, of course that person was going to do that stupid thing. The experiences that that person has had in their life made them that way, and they had no control over those experiences, and the way the acted was true to themselves. You can't get angry at someone for being themself.

3. I do believe i'm kind to others. at least i try to. It's just a rule of life for me. I whole heartedly follow that golden rule: "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." it's as simple and as beautiful as that. If the entire world followed the golden rule, it'd be such an amazing place.


So to hell with it. Yeah sometimes i get so sad/angry/confused/so many other fucking emotions i can't handle that all i want to do is escape from the world. And sometimes i'm so happy that you could do anything to me, and i would just look you in the eyes, and love you with all of my heart. I'm really dynamic with my emotions. I think all teenagers are that way?

Last night and this morning were two terrible times for me. I wanted to just get away from everyone. (isn't it crazy that you get depressed because you feel alone, and when you're depressed, all you want to do is be alone?) But right now. Here. 11:23 pm, in the present, I am happy. I'm feeling healthy again, and i got so many things to be happy about.

I hope i don't fall into one of those moods again soon. they really do kill me. That feeling is... in the words of Robert Plant... "What is and never should be." (good quote to end on : ])

i thought

i could go to sleep, and wake up in a better mood. Well i was wrong. I don't want to be around anybody right now.

not in

a good mood at all. I've been sick for days now... And school is still bugging the shit out of me. I'm still not putting forth much effort. Probably the same i did last quarter. I should probably change that.

The singer of my band quit. So that sent us back quite a bit. it honestly restarted our band. We are back to square one. So... we are in need of a singer! And we think we know just who to ask. But the problem is this kid is already in a band, and i happen to be pretty good friends with the guitarist of that band. That means if we get the singer we want, we're totally taking away the singer from my friends band. Douche move.

I'm so tired... I hate it. I need relaxing time. This three day weekend will do me some good.

haha

i'm totally sitting in mr. foster's science class right now. and when i say science class i mean computer lab. I can't believe this website isn't blocked. Also, i'm pretty sure that its blocked on some computers, and not on others?

I'm enjoying this class alot more this second semester so far. It's because i couldn't give a rats ass about this class last year (2008). now i'm trying! woohoo. Oh mr. foster. You're quite the mystery.

let me tell you something

the new year

is here. and i'm loving it! woke up this morning to waffles and other delicious breakfast foods made from scratch by my uncle. it was quite a good way to kick off 2009.

oh my god. it's 2009. i mean 2008 was just so intense for me... it literally was the longest year i've ever experienced hands down. All the things i went through changed me so much. I made so many mistakes, and learned so much from them. I feel like I grew and learned so much in 08 that i'm gonna really live 09 to its fullest. Imagine... Imagine a year from now. 2010. Where will i be? Who will be my friends? Will I be happy? that's an insane thought. I probably asked myself that same question a year ago. And now that i know the answer, it's such a strange feeling. I literally had no idea what was in store for me at the beginning of 2008. It was a rollercoaster. it was a plane crash. it was a tragedy. it was amazing. it was lonely. it was full of love. it was full of tears. it was full of laughs. it was full fear. It was beautiful. In the words of Charles Dickens, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Growing up. Its inevitable. I can get as depressed as i want, and watch life pass me by. Or i can embrace it. Honestly i'll probably do both.

2008 will be a year i talk to my children about. hopefully 2009 will be a year i tell the world about. So many things are about to happen.