the onus has a chance to sign a two year contract with this manager. She would make 10% of whatever we pull in. The only problem is that if we do sign, by law we cannot sign with any other person to represent for two whole years...
what am i ever going to do.
speech and debate plus a serious contract with a manager most likely spells disaster.
I have much thinking to do.
Don't get me wrong, this is a huge step forward for the band! (We were also invited to play at the sets and the clubhouse in september. hope to see ya'll there!) Everything for me lately has had a pessismistic tone to it, and honestly i've hated every last minute of the past 2 months. This decision will be pretty life changing.. If i follow through on it, I wonder where it will take the onus. I wonder where it will take me.
I need something new. I don't think i can continue existing like i do now. Otherwise i'll explode with frustration, sadness, and disappointment. The thing is, if we do sign the contract, speech and debate may take the backseat.. I'm not sure if that's what I want. On one hand, speech and debate makes me so happy and gives me reason to go to school every day. On the other hand speech and debate is also why I have to deal with the frustration, sadness, and disappointment every day.
God dammit. Why couldn't life be easier?!?!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
my
days are great and pass by fast. it's the nights that take so long, and get me back to that bad place. Such as right now.
Monday, July 27, 2009
I'm
miserable! I got the chills, but I'm sweating like mad. 102 degree temperature. These past three days have just been excellent.
In other news.
I'm so full of hate, which is weird because I've never felt hate like this in my whole life. I had always been free spirited, and I had always looked at the silver lining. I'm sure most people go through phases like this. It's like a cloud hanging above me, and I can't tell which direction is out. I was planning on experiencing something this week that I haven't experienced in awhile. I was hoping it'd help get rid of that cloud, and open my eyes. But now I guess I'll never know. I feel so much anger, hatred, and spite.
Last night my fever went from 98.6 to 102.4 in about an hour. I swear when you get that sick, and you're laying in bed, you seriously hallucinate. Every inch of my body hurt. That combined with the cloud made for a terrible night. My thoughts didn't make any sense, and I turned to someone who I knew wouldn't help. I shouldn't put the onus on people like that, expecting them to pull through for me.
I can't even put into words the disappointment i feel. In myself, in others... I've become a selfish being this summer. I've honestly thought about that for awhile now. I think that I just became more and more selfish throughout all of sophomore year. And finally when the cards didn't go my way, my true colors showed. Coming into sophomore year, I think I was in the best mindset I've ever been in. Coming out of sophomore year, I think i'm in the worst.
People always say that the grass is always greener on the other side. That's why nostalgia is a bitch, and so many people fall victim to it. I think that one's past sounds great, but in reality, its just as good as their present. You just have to look for it.
I'm a hippocrit.
In other news.
I'm so full of hate, which is weird because I've never felt hate like this in my whole life. I had always been free spirited, and I had always looked at the silver lining. I'm sure most people go through phases like this. It's like a cloud hanging above me, and I can't tell which direction is out. I was planning on experiencing something this week that I haven't experienced in awhile. I was hoping it'd help get rid of that cloud, and open my eyes. But now I guess I'll never know. I feel so much anger, hatred, and spite.
Last night my fever went from 98.6 to 102.4 in about an hour. I swear when you get that sick, and you're laying in bed, you seriously hallucinate. Every inch of my body hurt. That combined with the cloud made for a terrible night. My thoughts didn't make any sense, and I turned to someone who I knew wouldn't help. I shouldn't put the onus on people like that, expecting them to pull through for me.
I can't even put into words the disappointment i feel. In myself, in others... I've become a selfish being this summer. I've honestly thought about that for awhile now. I think that I just became more and more selfish throughout all of sophomore year. And finally when the cards didn't go my way, my true colors showed. Coming into sophomore year, I think I was in the best mindset I've ever been in. Coming out of sophomore year, I think i'm in the worst.
People always say that the grass is always greener on the other side. That's why nostalgia is a bitch, and so many people fall victim to it. I think that one's past sounds great, but in reality, its just as good as their present. You just have to look for it.
I'm a hippocrit.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
well
That whole experience was devastating. I'll never be the same. The guilt, the images, the sounds... I'm responsible for it all. Clearly the worst time of my life.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
literally
the craziest thing that's ever happened to me or my family ever. Seriously insane. I feel terrible.
Friday, July 17, 2009
lucky
me! turns out my ipod fell out of my pocket in my grandpas backyard! too bad it sat in the pouring rain of connecticut literally all night.... fortunately it still works! : ]
Things I have walked away with over the past 4 days:
1. Harry Potter rocks. I'm reading number 7 right now, and i'm trying to space it out so i can read on the flight home, but i can't help myself...
2. Kings of Leon are fuh-nominal. I would say they're the best band out right now!
3. Tell the people you love you love them.
Things I have walked away with over the past 4 days:
1. Harry Potter rocks. I'm reading number 7 right now, and i'm trying to space it out so i can read on the flight home, but i can't help myself...
2. Kings of Leon are fuh-nominal. I would say they're the best band out right now!
3. Tell the people you love you love them.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
grrrrreat
I'm on vacation and i've already lost my ipod, and now my phone isn't working.... gah. I'm using my mom's blackberry for now, but i have no idea how to use it. Also. I don't like being ignored.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
i've become
jaded. hated. overrated. hateful. doubtful. addicted. sad. lonely. angry. confused. disappointed. crushed. annoyed. grouchy. mean. apathetic. tired. overlooked. careless. hopeless.
But I have not become nostalgic. Because there's a reason the past is the past.
But I have not become nostalgic. Because there's a reason the past is the past.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
this is where i am
I really haven't felt like this in my whole life. It's a constant struggle to wake up every morning and falling asleep at night is always the worst part of my day.
I want to say how I truly feel, and why i feel that way, but I'm honestly ashamed of myself. I'm embarrassed that i've sunken so low. I'm embarrassed that I'm actually posting on this blog. I'm embarrassed that I'm dying for school to come back around.
Like i said in my last post, I'm not responsible for the things that may happen over this summer (or over my life for that matter). I'm on my own with nobody guiding me or supporting me. When somebody gets beat up as I am, and they're like me, they may end up doing some things that aren't actually the best way to go about solving problems.
God i have so much anger in me. So much sadness. I can't get away from it no matter how much i try. My life revolves around it now, which is sick.
The fact my situation is eating up my whole being, and the other person who is part of the situation doesn't feel an ounce of the pain that I do just feeds my anger and sadness even more. You're becoming a stranger to me, and I think you're trying to be one. That hurts more than you'll ever know.
I've been trying to rethink my life. But when i do that, i feel like it's useless.
All I want is somebody. Somebody who wants to be my somebody. Somebody who feels for me like i feel for them. Even if i don't see that somebody often, the fact that we'd be thinking of eachother would be enough.
Time to turn to all i have left.
I want to say how I truly feel, and why i feel that way, but I'm honestly ashamed of myself. I'm embarrassed that i've sunken so low. I'm embarrassed that I'm actually posting on this blog. I'm embarrassed that I'm dying for school to come back around.
Like i said in my last post, I'm not responsible for the things that may happen over this summer (or over my life for that matter). I'm on my own with nobody guiding me or supporting me. When somebody gets beat up as I am, and they're like me, they may end up doing some things that aren't actually the best way to go about solving problems.
God i have so much anger in me. So much sadness. I can't get away from it no matter how much i try. My life revolves around it now, which is sick.
The fact my situation is eating up my whole being, and the other person who is part of the situation doesn't feel an ounce of the pain that I do just feeds my anger and sadness even more. You're becoming a stranger to me, and I think you're trying to be one. That hurts more than you'll ever know.
I've been trying to rethink my life. But when i do that, i feel like it's useless.
All I want is somebody. Somebody who wants to be my somebody. Somebody who feels for me like i feel for them. Even if i don't see that somebody often, the fact that we'd be thinking of eachother would be enough.
Time to turn to all i have left.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
up
i saw up! today. it was pretty cool. 3D and everything! other than that, today was mediocre. like every other day of summer i've had so far. I just want school to come already.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
so
i haven't posted in so so long. and honestly it might be awhile before i post again.
Right now i'm in a weird place. I don't know how i feel about it.
high school.
Quite an interesting place to be.
I know friends grow apart. It sucks. It's just part of life! but still. sometimes its really hard to deal with. sometimes the growing apart is over the silliest things. and i hate that.
I miss a lot of things. But at the same time, there are things in my life right now that are so perfect that the things that i miss don't even matter. Today was a scary day. I don't want to lose something that i've worked at so much for. I'm doing what i'm doing for a reason. Because i know it's what i want, and i hope it's mutual.
I'm kinda sad. I want a certain somebody right now. I miss her.
Right now i'm in a weird place. I don't know how i feel about it.
high school.
Quite an interesting place to be.
I know friends grow apart. It sucks. It's just part of life! but still. sometimes its really hard to deal with. sometimes the growing apart is over the silliest things. and i hate that.
I miss a lot of things. But at the same time, there are things in my life right now that are so perfect that the things that i miss don't even matter. Today was a scary day. I don't want to lose something that i've worked at so much for. I'm doing what i'm doing for a reason. Because i know it's what i want, and i hope it's mutual.
I'm kinda sad. I want a certain somebody right now. I miss her.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
i feel
so sick. Never shall i ever drink one of my delicious smoothies this fast again.
(yes. i'm back in the habit of making my delicious smoothies. Best habit ever!)
sooooooooooooooooo.
This was a very odd weekend for me. it felt very eventful for me and very uneventful at the same time. Friday night was lovely. went to the melting pot, and then watched a movie afterwards at my house. Melting pot was delicious, and the movie was really fun : ]
Saturday through sunday was interesting. I'm not gonna really post about it because it would take way too long to describe my epicly long and boring weekend haha (So i guess it wasn't interesting?)
so lets blog about something interesting! (i'm over using the word interesting)
how about music?
naw. that'd be too like me. (all i post about is my band)
how about changing who we are as people? yes. i've been thinking about that alot this weekend.
(Not much else to do.)
question: How does one change something about themselves that needs to be changed?
answer: By taking the initiative, and by using will power. First off, make sure the change that you are instilling within yourself is a good change. Not all change needs to be immediate. Sometimes baby steps are very effective. (believe me.) I'm trying to change, and I'm sure the benefits outweigh the negatives. I don't absolutely need the change. But I want to because it'll mean the happiness and love of another. There was alot of downtime for me this weekend. it was hard for me, i'm not gonna lie haha.
I'm so unfamiliar with boredom. I don't know what to do with it. I fear it. I loathe it. I truly believe it is my greatest practical fear. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like when i get bored, i'm terrified and start crying. It's just that when i'm bored i don't know what to do with myself. I get depressed. Sometimes i get really depressed.
I think that's why i turned to so many things i have in the past. They never let me get bored. And now that i'm slowly weaning myself from those things, I'm finding that i have more and more time with nothing to do. I play lots of guitar. I watch lots of tv. But i feel like no matter how much time i spend doing the two, they will never be enough to fill the downtime i have. It's hard for me.
Now, i know that everyone has to put up with the same shit i do. I really don't want to come across as a complainer (though i think i am coming across as one). Everyone has their stupid flaws. i guess mine is time management.
Anyways! back to people changing parts of themselves! Change can be difficult. Change can be so fucking hard you don't know how to go about doing it. But just remember the reason why you're changing. If it's not worth the change, then maybe you're wasting your time. But maybe it is worth the change. And if it is, then please god. Change.
(by the way. every comment i made in parentheses was made after the original post when i reread it. yep. i'm bored. uh oh haha)
(yes. i'm back in the habit of making my delicious smoothies. Best habit ever!)
sooooooooooooooooo.
This was a very odd weekend for me. it felt very eventful for me and very uneventful at the same time. Friday night was lovely. went to the melting pot, and then watched a movie afterwards at my house. Melting pot was delicious, and the movie was really fun : ]
Saturday through sunday was interesting. I'm not gonna really post about it because it would take way too long to describe my epicly long and boring weekend haha (So i guess it wasn't interesting?)
so lets blog about something interesting! (i'm over using the word interesting)
how about music?
naw. that'd be too like me. (all i post about is my band)
how about changing who we are as people? yes. i've been thinking about that alot this weekend.
(Not much else to do.)
question: How does one change something about themselves that needs to be changed?
answer: By taking the initiative, and by using will power. First off, make sure the change that you are instilling within yourself is a good change. Not all change needs to be immediate. Sometimes baby steps are very effective. (believe me.) I'm trying to change, and I'm sure the benefits outweigh the negatives. I don't absolutely need the change. But I want to because it'll mean the happiness and love of another. There was alot of downtime for me this weekend. it was hard for me, i'm not gonna lie haha.
I'm so unfamiliar with boredom. I don't know what to do with it. I fear it. I loathe it. I truly believe it is my greatest practical fear. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like when i get bored, i'm terrified and start crying. It's just that when i'm bored i don't know what to do with myself. I get depressed. Sometimes i get really depressed.
I think that's why i turned to so many things i have in the past. They never let me get bored. And now that i'm slowly weaning myself from those things, I'm finding that i have more and more time with nothing to do. I play lots of guitar. I watch lots of tv. But i feel like no matter how much time i spend doing the two, they will never be enough to fill the downtime i have. It's hard for me.
Now, i know that everyone has to put up with the same shit i do. I really don't want to come across as a complainer (though i think i am coming across as one). Everyone has their stupid flaws. i guess mine is time management.
Anyways! back to people changing parts of themselves! Change can be difficult. Change can be so fucking hard you don't know how to go about doing it. But just remember the reason why you're changing. If it's not worth the change, then maybe you're wasting your time. But maybe it is worth the change. And if it is, then please god. Change.
(by the way. every comment i made in parentheses was made after the original post when i reread it. yep. i'm bored. uh oh haha)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
some thoughts
well i haven't really posted anything in a long while. and i also don't really know what to post about.
I guess i can talk about how i'm feeling right now.
Well for one thing. School. sucks. big. time. Yeah yeah, it's my fault that i didn't apply myself as much as i could have. and people telling me that really doesn't help. It's not like i don't already know.
Band wise everythings good. We got alot of material on the way. We haven't posted anything on myspace for agesssss because we've hit a few bumps along the way. But i feel we're fully recovered now, and will have at least 2 or 3 new songs up within a week or two. and we'll certainly have more coming very soon. it's just hard recording so much material. it takes time. and money.
I'm in a blah mood right now. I want to post something really awesome and really thought provoking. But i just don't think i have it in me tonight. A few thoughts on my mind. some great. and some make me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm driving alot! at least 20-30 minutes a day. Doesn't sound like that much, but i'm starting to get the hang of it for sure. Easy as pie.
Reading a new book. It's called the broker, by john grisham. it's very good if i do say so myself. it kinda makes me want to be a lawyer or something. (which is ironic because it's about lawyers and brokers being killed.)
I need sleep. When i wake up, i'll be in a much better mood! Maybe next post will be better. sorry!
I guess i can talk about how i'm feeling right now.
Well for one thing. School. sucks. big. time. Yeah yeah, it's my fault that i didn't apply myself as much as i could have. and people telling me that really doesn't help. It's not like i don't already know.
Band wise everythings good. We got alot of material on the way. We haven't posted anything on myspace for agesssss because we've hit a few bumps along the way. But i feel we're fully recovered now, and will have at least 2 or 3 new songs up within a week or two. and we'll certainly have more coming very soon. it's just hard recording so much material. it takes time. and money.
I'm in a blah mood right now. I want to post something really awesome and really thought provoking. But i just don't think i have it in me tonight. A few thoughts on my mind. some great. and some make me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm driving alot! at least 20-30 minutes a day. Doesn't sound like that much, but i'm starting to get the hang of it for sure. Easy as pie.
Reading a new book. It's called the broker, by john grisham. it's very good if i do say so myself. it kinda makes me want to be a lawyer or something. (which is ironic because it's about lawyers and brokers being killed.)
I need sleep. When i wake up, i'll be in a much better mood! Maybe next post will be better. sorry!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
some thoughts
on tonight's performance.
1. vocals were a little quiet.
2. Guitar was too loud.
3. bass was WAY too quiet.
4. Drums were a little bit quite.
5. I cannot fucking believe that in the program it said "casey cantor's band". that's seriously awful. that makes me so angry. i feel terrible.
6. The crowd didn't dig us. They were there for the hip hop and stuff. They just didn't get us, and it was a weird feeling.
7. We as a band played pretty good.
So overall, everything that went wrong was completely our of our control. I'm a little down because so many things did go wrong. But hey! there's nothing i could have done about it. It was a fun night, and i'm pumped for the STAND benefit concert. (Which we're closing for!!!)
1. vocals were a little quiet.
2. Guitar was too loud.
3. bass was WAY too quiet.
4. Drums were a little bit quite.
5. I cannot fucking believe that in the program it said "casey cantor's band". that's seriously awful. that makes me so angry. i feel terrible.
6. The crowd didn't dig us. They were there for the hip hop and stuff. They just didn't get us, and it was a weird feeling.
7. We as a band played pretty good.
So overall, everything that went wrong was completely our of our control. I'm a little down because so many things did go wrong. But hey! there's nothing i could have done about it. It was a fun night, and i'm pumped for the STAND benefit concert. (Which we're closing for!!!)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
i'm such
a teenager.
Mood swings like crazy lately.
a little down.
very tired.
there's a cup of 8 hour old coffee in front of me.
That means my dad was here earlier.
I embarrass myself sometimes. right now for instance. i need to grow up!
Mood swings like crazy lately.
a little down.
very tired.
there's a cup of 8 hour old coffee in front of me.
That means my dad was here earlier.
I embarrass myself sometimes. right now for instance. i need to grow up!
Monday, February 2, 2009
i totally just spent
like 30 minutes reading all of the comments left on my myspace ever. And i mean ever. It was... Insane. like. Insane.
Life sometimes is just too much to handle. All the places i've been, all the people i've known, and all the things i've learned make me who i am today.
It's crazy to think all the places you've been in life. When i say places i don't mean actual literal physcial places. I mean who you're friends with, how old you are, how you view life, what your problems are, etc.
6th grade. Times were so simple then. Just coming into middle school. I couldn't tell you much about this time in my life. It was so long ago. I came into Aki-mel with Brandon Mahoney as my best friend in the whole wide world. But i sit down in my first period class, and Alex Brink is just staring me in the eye. Bam. New best friend. Also, before this, i didn't really have any paticuliar interests in life. But Alex got me into Led Zeppelin in 6th grade, and ultimately, music itself. Yep. Alex Brink basically is responsible for who i am today. He truly is one of the best friends a kid could ask for. I mean god damn. I never really think about it. He has done so much for me. I love him to death.
7th grade. This was a very interesting year for me. I started to become pretty damn social, and this was also when i started to get a feel for who my closest friends were. This was probably the time when everybody started getting into their own little groups of friends. I know i did. It was me, alex, zaki, alec, and zach. (i really hope i'm not forgetting anyone.) We played alot of video games. Hung out all the time, and chilled with some other pretty cool people. I have fond memories of this point in my life. I'd have to say it was some of the happiest times of my life. Not a worry in the world. (it was 7th grade. what was there to worry about!). So, not only were there alot of really close guy friends, i had alot of girls effect my life then too.
I started off the year with a HUGE crush on Kylie Harmon haha. She was my first girlfriend in sixth grade, and i was totally into her still. oh my god i was so awkward around her! anyways, bad things happened between me and her. Such a long story. But we ended up making up, and being pretty close friends later that year. (i still was pretty into her throughout most of 7th grade haha) I also got really close to a girl named Roseana Kirgis. We were literally best friends for quite awhile. She really was a big part of my life around then. And around octoberish, I asked out a girl named Ashley Swazey. We went out for a total of... what... a week or two? that doesn't matter. What was crazy about that was that I ended up sitting at her lunch table one day, and she introduced me to a girl name Courtney Hillbrands. And that was the start of a very long, emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
So Courtney, Alex, Roseana, and I became closer than you can imagine. It was pretty intense sometimes.
Also, I was pretty into this girl named Hannah Ross the second half of that year. I ended up asking her out near the end of it. I don't really want to get into details about that haha. We went out for about two months. Well, i ended being a terrible person, and broke up with her that summer, and the next day asked out courtney. (talk about insensitive.)
8th grade. I could write an entire book on this year. It was the second most life changing year of my life. This was the year that i started to bloom into who i am today. Because there's no possible way i could tell you everything that happened this year, i'll just write a little bit (i'll probably write another post dedicated to this year). I dated Courtney the whole year. I'm not really going to talk about that. I'm sure all of you know enough about it. It was full of laughs, tears, and so many other things.
But i met another person who changed my life forever that year. Her name was Ms. Piendel. She changed me from just some other middle schooler to a kid who had beliefs, who cared about what was going on in the world, and who believed he could make a difference. She opened my eyes to so much. I really credit her my very view on life. My compassion was sparked by her. I don't speak to her anymore. It kills me inside. She really has been the most influential person in my life to an extent. I'll honestly probably write another post about her too!
9th grade. oh my god. 9th grade. It's funny. This by far was the most influential year of my life to date. I grew. I grew so, so much. Honestly, ninth grade was like fucking BC and AD for me. Before 9th grade was an enitrely different life for me. When i hit high school, i became a completely different person, but at the same time, i retained who i truly was. So ultimately, i am and always was the same Casey i've always been, I was just a different expression of that person.
There were two sides to me that year. There was speech and debate casey, and there was inner struggle casey haha.
I fought that fight in so many different ways. At the time, it seemed like there was no hope. That school year was insane. Too insane. It changed me. But you know what? I know that change was for the better. I wouldn't change a god damn fucking thing about it.
That summer was another great summer. I spent it with my best friends in the whole world at the time. Alex, Ryan, and Gabe. I love all of those guys.
10th grade. It's not over yet. I'm definitely going to talk about this year in depth in another post. But i will say a few words about it. I feel like i'm a very sensible person now. 9th grade was such an amazing year of growth for me, and I put that growth to use this year. I'm in the best place i've been in for such a long time. I'm doing everything the way i want to. Which is exactly what you have got to do.
Be yourself. Be forgiving. Be kind. Be selfless. Be ambitious. Be lazy. Be stupid. Be smart. Be what you've always wanted to be!
So if you read this whole post, wow. I'm impressed haha. That was a very very thin outline of my middle school days to my present. And i mean thin! I'm inspired to talk more about my past in future posts : ]
I started this post feeling a bit sad because time passes by so quick, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never, ever get it back. Sure you lose friends, and people you know may grow apart, but hey. that's life! i'm sorry, that's just how it is. Why get sad? that process is inevitable. Instead, you should be optimistic. It really is the only sensible way to live life. Make new friends. Cherish the ones you have now. Love your parents. Hug your pets. Because pretty soon, you'll be posting blogs about this time in your life! Why not make this a time you love to think about, because it makes you smile.
Life sometimes is just too much to handle. All the places i've been, all the people i've known, and all the things i've learned make me who i am today.
It's crazy to think all the places you've been in life. When i say places i don't mean actual literal physcial places. I mean who you're friends with, how old you are, how you view life, what your problems are, etc.
6th grade. Times were so simple then. Just coming into middle school. I couldn't tell you much about this time in my life. It was so long ago. I came into Aki-mel with Brandon Mahoney as my best friend in the whole wide world. But i sit down in my first period class, and Alex Brink is just staring me in the eye. Bam. New best friend. Also, before this, i didn't really have any paticuliar interests in life. But Alex got me into Led Zeppelin in 6th grade, and ultimately, music itself. Yep. Alex Brink basically is responsible for who i am today. He truly is one of the best friends a kid could ask for. I mean god damn. I never really think about it. He has done so much for me. I love him to death.
7th grade. This was a very interesting year for me. I started to become pretty damn social, and this was also when i started to get a feel for who my closest friends were. This was probably the time when everybody started getting into their own little groups of friends. I know i did. It was me, alex, zaki, alec, and zach. (i really hope i'm not forgetting anyone.) We played alot of video games. Hung out all the time, and chilled with some other pretty cool people. I have fond memories of this point in my life. I'd have to say it was some of the happiest times of my life. Not a worry in the world. (it was 7th grade. what was there to worry about!). So, not only were there alot of really close guy friends, i had alot of girls effect my life then too.
I started off the year with a HUGE crush on Kylie Harmon haha. She was my first girlfriend in sixth grade, and i was totally into her still. oh my god i was so awkward around her! anyways, bad things happened between me and her. Such a long story. But we ended up making up, and being pretty close friends later that year. (i still was pretty into her throughout most of 7th grade haha) I also got really close to a girl named Roseana Kirgis. We were literally best friends for quite awhile. She really was a big part of my life around then. And around octoberish, I asked out a girl named Ashley Swazey. We went out for a total of... what... a week or two? that doesn't matter. What was crazy about that was that I ended up sitting at her lunch table one day, and she introduced me to a girl name Courtney Hillbrands. And that was the start of a very long, emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
So Courtney, Alex, Roseana, and I became closer than you can imagine. It was pretty intense sometimes.
Also, I was pretty into this girl named Hannah Ross the second half of that year. I ended up asking her out near the end of it. I don't really want to get into details about that haha. We went out for about two months. Well, i ended being a terrible person, and broke up with her that summer, and the next day asked out courtney. (talk about insensitive.)
8th grade. I could write an entire book on this year. It was the second most life changing year of my life. This was the year that i started to bloom into who i am today. Because there's no possible way i could tell you everything that happened this year, i'll just write a little bit (i'll probably write another post dedicated to this year). I dated Courtney the whole year. I'm not really going to talk about that. I'm sure all of you know enough about it. It was full of laughs, tears, and so many other things.
But i met another person who changed my life forever that year. Her name was Ms. Piendel. She changed me from just some other middle schooler to a kid who had beliefs, who cared about what was going on in the world, and who believed he could make a difference. She opened my eyes to so much. I really credit her my very view on life. My compassion was sparked by her. I don't speak to her anymore. It kills me inside. She really has been the most influential person in my life to an extent. I'll honestly probably write another post about her too!
9th grade. oh my god. 9th grade. It's funny. This by far was the most influential year of my life to date. I grew. I grew so, so much. Honestly, ninth grade was like fucking BC and AD for me. Before 9th grade was an enitrely different life for me. When i hit high school, i became a completely different person, but at the same time, i retained who i truly was. So ultimately, i am and always was the same Casey i've always been, I was just a different expression of that person.
There were two sides to me that year. There was speech and debate casey, and there was inner struggle casey haha.
I fought that fight in so many different ways. At the time, it seemed like there was no hope. That school year was insane. Too insane. It changed me. But you know what? I know that change was for the better. I wouldn't change a god damn fucking thing about it.
That summer was another great summer. I spent it with my best friends in the whole world at the time. Alex, Ryan, and Gabe. I love all of those guys.
10th grade. It's not over yet. I'm definitely going to talk about this year in depth in another post. But i will say a few words about it. I feel like i'm a very sensible person now. 9th grade was such an amazing year of growth for me, and I put that growth to use this year. I'm in the best place i've been in for such a long time. I'm doing everything the way i want to. Which is exactly what you have got to do.
Be yourself. Be forgiving. Be kind. Be selfless. Be ambitious. Be lazy. Be stupid. Be smart. Be what you've always wanted to be!
So if you read this whole post, wow. I'm impressed haha. That was a very very thin outline of my middle school days to my present. And i mean thin! I'm inspired to talk more about my past in future posts : ]
I started this post feeling a bit sad because time passes by so quick, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never, ever get it back. Sure you lose friends, and people you know may grow apart, but hey. that's life! i'm sorry, that's just how it is. Why get sad? that process is inevitable. Instead, you should be optimistic. It really is the only sensible way to live life. Make new friends. Cherish the ones you have now. Love your parents. Hug your pets. Because pretty soon, you'll be posting blogs about this time in your life! Why not make this a time you love to think about, because it makes you smile.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I feel
great. This weekend was wonderful, and i'm in such a good mood.
So, my last post talked about how i disliked the set that my band will be playing at the talent show this thursday (which by the way, if you are reading this, you BETTER go. Or else. : ] ). Well, i'm actually starting to come around to it. On our myspace, I posted the song "Driving Force" with me singing instead of alex. And now that i've heard myself singing it, I feel alot more comfortable with myself performing it, and also thinking it's actually good!
As for the song "Purple Stain", if you asked me how i felt about it three days ago (Hell! 12 hours ago!) i would have told you i was totally against playing it at the show. Well, now i'm totally for it. It's pretty high energy, and it's definitely a fun song. The end jam should be EPIC.
I realize that the show is going to go well no matter what. We've done our homework, and are prepared to do an awesome show. Also, how could it go bad with me dancing on stage? I mean come on. Lets get real here. Me dancing=awesomeness. : ]
Also. So much to do. So little time.
So, my last post talked about how i disliked the set that my band will be playing at the talent show this thursday (which by the way, if you are reading this, you BETTER go. Or else. : ] ). Well, i'm actually starting to come around to it. On our myspace, I posted the song "Driving Force" with me singing instead of alex. And now that i've heard myself singing it, I feel alot more comfortable with myself performing it, and also thinking it's actually good!
As for the song "Purple Stain", if you asked me how i felt about it three days ago (Hell! 12 hours ago!) i would have told you i was totally against playing it at the show. Well, now i'm totally for it. It's pretty high energy, and it's definitely a fun song. The end jam should be EPIC.
I realize that the show is going to go well no matter what. We've done our homework, and are prepared to do an awesome show. Also, how could it go bad with me dancing on stage? I mean come on. Lets get real here. Me dancing=awesomeness. : ]
Also. So much to do. So little time.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
great
day today! In speech, my duo got alot of work done on it, and i'm feeling pretty damn good about it.
And because i just got back from band practice, i'm going to talk about my band : ]
So... we're playing at next week's talent show! i'm super pumped for that. we're gonna rock it. But there are some major concerns i have...
We timed out set, and it was about 12 minutes long. If you add in me talking to the crowd and stuff, we'll probably need around 13 minutes. I'm not sure if student council will let us have that much time. So that's an issue.
Secondly. Our set consists of an intro we wrote (which is pretty cool. It can be a little mechanical at times, but it certainly does have a hook in it. It ends with me soloing... Which obviously i love. but for some reason its not a groove i'm hooking up with. I can't tap into it and find those perfect notes quite yet. i'll work on it.) Our next song is an original called "Driving Force". We wrote it wiith our old singer Alex singing. With me singing it, it's a little different, and i'm a little put off by it. I'm not gonna lie. I solo at the end of this one too. This one even more so than the first, i'm having a hard time making beautiful connections to the bass line. (even my solo on the recording on our myspace leaves something to be desired...)
During our performance, i'll have to guitar solo's. This is the talent show. I want people to be amazed! (does that sound cocky?) and right now i don't feel like the two solo's i'll have will allow me to do so. That worries me.
And not only that.
Our final song is a RHCP cover (of course it is haha). It's called "Purple Stain". Don't get me wrong, i love this song! but i'm not sure if the audience will. It's pretty out there. And also, it doesn't highlight my guitar playing. It ends with this monster jam, which is a blast to play. But again, i'm afraid of the audience not getting it, and thinking it's just "noise". overall, this is the song i'm most iffy on. I honestly don't want to play it at all. (only problem is eric and gabe are set on it.)
So yeah... I may come off like a dick because I want all the songs to have some awesome guitar part. I just want to be known around the school as a genuine guitar player. I take myself and my band pretty seriously, and i want everyone else too.
I just want to put on the best show possible. It just happens that i believe that the best show we could play would consist of me playing some awesome guitar : ]
And because i just got back from band practice, i'm going to talk about my band : ]
So... we're playing at next week's talent show! i'm super pumped for that. we're gonna rock it. But there are some major concerns i have...
We timed out set, and it was about 12 minutes long. If you add in me talking to the crowd and stuff, we'll probably need around 13 minutes. I'm not sure if student council will let us have that much time. So that's an issue.
Secondly. Our set consists of an intro we wrote (which is pretty cool. It can be a little mechanical at times, but it certainly does have a hook in it. It ends with me soloing... Which obviously i love. but for some reason its not a groove i'm hooking up with. I can't tap into it and find those perfect notes quite yet. i'll work on it.) Our next song is an original called "Driving Force". We wrote it wiith our old singer Alex singing. With me singing it, it's a little different, and i'm a little put off by it. I'm not gonna lie. I solo at the end of this one too. This one even more so than the first, i'm having a hard time making beautiful connections to the bass line. (even my solo on the recording on our myspace leaves something to be desired...)
During our performance, i'll have to guitar solo's. This is the talent show. I want people to be amazed! (does that sound cocky?) and right now i don't feel like the two solo's i'll have will allow me to do so. That worries me.
And not only that.
Our final song is a RHCP cover (of course it is haha). It's called "Purple Stain". Don't get me wrong, i love this song! but i'm not sure if the audience will. It's pretty out there. And also, it doesn't highlight my guitar playing. It ends with this monster jam, which is a blast to play. But again, i'm afraid of the audience not getting it, and thinking it's just "noise". overall, this is the song i'm most iffy on. I honestly don't want to play it at all. (only problem is eric and gabe are set on it.)
So yeah... I may come off like a dick because I want all the songs to have some awesome guitar part. I just want to be known around the school as a genuine guitar player. I take myself and my band pretty seriously, and i want everyone else too.
I just want to put on the best show possible. It just happens that i believe that the best show we could play would consist of me playing some awesome guitar : ]
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
tonight
kinda sucks. I was suppose to go out, but that of course didn't end up happening unfortunately.
So i'm stuck here watching tv, waiting for lost (the best show ever) to come on.
this was kind of a pointless post. I don't have much to say tonight. it's a slow, quiet, lonely, and cold night haha. My next post will be deeper hopefully!
So i'm stuck here watching tv, waiting for lost (the best show ever) to come on.
this was kind of a pointless post. I don't have much to say tonight. it's a slow, quiet, lonely, and cold night haha. My next post will be deeper hopefully!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
absolutely
nothing to do tonight! blech. i hate being bored. i guess i'll just watch tv, and play guitar. Sounds like a plan : ]
Saturday, January 24, 2009
i can say
sorry. I can say it over and over again. But that won't do anything. I know this.
Actions speak louder than words. Ideas become actions. And i have a few good ideas right now. I just wish time could fast forward three or four weeks. Then I'd be able to see how it'll all play out.
I said some stuff last time. I kinda ignored what i sayed. And when i say kinda, i mean completely. I regret that.
I'm not going to say the same stuff this time. Because i don't have to. My actions will show my feelings. I need to be the one who takes the initiative.
It's just hard, you know? I've lost all credibility. Because of that, my words mean nothing. I don't expect any faith in me.
So Bec Kim was telling me about her ex-boyfriend today. Their situation was pretty damn similiar to mine. Her boyfriend would say he would stop, but then he wouldn't. And then he would say he'd stop again. And then he wouldn't. It just became this giant on and off let down, and grew into a rift for their relationship.
So i realize. I don't want to be that guy! If i say i'm going to stop, I need to stop! and if i'm not going to, then i shouldn't say i will! That's unfair.
Right now i feel like it'd be even more unfair for me to make any promises, or hopeful statements. So i'm not going to. But what I will say is I know what I want. I want you.
Actions speak louder than words. Ideas become actions. And i have a few good ideas right now. I just wish time could fast forward three or four weeks. Then I'd be able to see how it'll all play out.
I said some stuff last time. I kinda ignored what i sayed. And when i say kinda, i mean completely. I regret that.
I'm not going to say the same stuff this time. Because i don't have to. My actions will show my feelings. I need to be the one who takes the initiative.
It's just hard, you know? I've lost all credibility. Because of that, my words mean nothing. I don't expect any faith in me.
So Bec Kim was telling me about her ex-boyfriend today. Their situation was pretty damn similiar to mine. Her boyfriend would say he would stop, but then he wouldn't. And then he would say he'd stop again. And then he wouldn't. It just became this giant on and off let down, and grew into a rift for their relationship.
So i realize. I don't want to be that guy! If i say i'm going to stop, I need to stop! and if i'm not going to, then i shouldn't say i will! That's unfair.
Right now i feel like it'd be even more unfair for me to make any promises, or hopeful statements. So i'm not going to. But what I will say is I know what I want. I want you.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
so...
I'm sorry haha. my last post was a little bit dramatic. I'm in a much better mood now. (talk about mood swings.. : /)
You two are right. I really didn't mean what i said to you guys. I clearly didn't think about what a blog was when i said that haha (yep. i'm an idiot : ])
Things can just get frustrating. Today wasn't a good day for me. That's all!
I mean when you invest so much time into something, and then it doesn't work, it's very upsetting. I put alot of myself into this band of mine. We had a really good thing going, and then somebody decides to leave.
Let me get something straight. I am in no way shape or form mad at alex. I mean how could i be? He says being a performer is just not his thing. Could i really be mad at someone for not wanting to do something? i mean, that'd just be cruel!
Anyways, it's just frustrasting when you're set back to square one. But now I realize that square one isn't a bad thing. It's a chance to start over. do things right. Alex wasn't a productive songwriter. He would contribute in practice, and that's all. With me taking his place for now, I know i will concentrate so so much more on creating songs, and making this band happen. I think things are really about to take off!
SO with that on my plate, on top of a failing english grade, i got a bit hasty earlier. I hope you can forgive me : ]
Courtney: happy birthday again. Last time i said it, it was kinda awkward? haha i don't know. I'm really saying it now. I hope you enjoy being 16. You can now legally stay out till midnight. Party it up girl!!!
Sammi: Feel better baby : ]
You two are right. I really didn't mean what i said to you guys. I clearly didn't think about what a blog was when i said that haha (yep. i'm an idiot : ])
Things can just get frustrating. Today wasn't a good day for me. That's all!
I mean when you invest so much time into something, and then it doesn't work, it's very upsetting. I put alot of myself into this band of mine. We had a really good thing going, and then somebody decides to leave.
Let me get something straight. I am in no way shape or form mad at alex. I mean how could i be? He says being a performer is just not his thing. Could i really be mad at someone for not wanting to do something? i mean, that'd just be cruel!
Anyways, it's just frustrasting when you're set back to square one. But now I realize that square one isn't a bad thing. It's a chance to start over. do things right. Alex wasn't a productive songwriter. He would contribute in practice, and that's all. With me taking his place for now, I know i will concentrate so so much more on creating songs, and making this band happen. I think things are really about to take off!
SO with that on my plate, on top of a failing english grade, i got a bit hasty earlier. I hope you can forgive me : ]
Courtney: happy birthday again. Last time i said it, it was kinda awkward? haha i don't know. I'm really saying it now. I hope you enjoy being 16. You can now legally stay out till midnight. Party it up girl!!!
Sammi: Feel better baby : ]
i've had
a long day so far. And now i feel awful. I feel physically sick, and mentally drained and depressed and fogged up. I'm gonna go sleep it off. Oh the beauty of weekends. You can escape life through sleep whenever you want.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Life is swell
I had a good night. Checkers was pretty intense. Oh cups and crepez : ]
after dinner with sammi, i got home and played some guitar. And i have got to tell ya... I fucking love guitar. It's so expressive and beautiful. No matter how i'm feeling, my guitar is always there for me, just sitting there waiting to be played. Sometimes i have off days and can't connect, and can't communicate the sounds i would like to on my guitar. Well tonight isn't like that at all. As i started playing, i imagined i was playing a show, and acted like what i was about to play was what i was opening with (i have to admit... I got pretty into it haha). Then from there i doodled with some song ideas i had and sang to them. I'm starting to become more and more open to the idea of me singing for my band. The songs i'm working with right now are just so me. I love them.
From there i just started soloing. tonight i just tapped into this energy, and i really feel like i went somewhere i don't go very often. These nights are rare. They're gold for writing music. Now i'm going to work on writing lyrics for the potential songs i have!
oh music. I adore you : ]
after dinner with sammi, i got home and played some guitar. And i have got to tell ya... I fucking love guitar. It's so expressive and beautiful. No matter how i'm feeling, my guitar is always there for me, just sitting there waiting to be played. Sometimes i have off days and can't connect, and can't communicate the sounds i would like to on my guitar. Well tonight isn't like that at all. As i started playing, i imagined i was playing a show, and acted like what i was about to play was what i was opening with (i have to admit... I got pretty into it haha). Then from there i doodled with some song ideas i had and sang to them. I'm starting to become more and more open to the idea of me singing for my band. The songs i'm working with right now are just so me. I love them.
From there i just started soloing. tonight i just tapped into this energy, and i really feel like i went somewhere i don't go very often. These nights are rare. They're gold for writing music. Now i'm going to work on writing lyrics for the potential songs i have!
oh music. I adore you : ]
Thursday, January 15, 2009
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhh
the band is finally back on track and heading in a solid direction.
Today was such a good day. Tomorrow will probably be just as good.
Question: do i shower before the show tonight?
Answer: i believe i will. Sometimes i shower just because i like to. Is that weird? haha
Today was such a good day. Tomorrow will probably be just as good.
Question: do i shower before the show tonight?
Answer: i believe i will. Sometimes i shower just because i like to. Is that weird? haha
good
morning! i feel physically and mentally great. My cold is basically gone, and all is good in the land of casey-ville.
So... School has been in session for about two weeks now. Not gonna lie. Not doing as well as i could be haha. I need to pick up my shit. I said that i would, and i even made it my new year's resolution that i would. Therefore starting now, I'm trying harder.
So... School has been in session for about two weeks now. Not gonna lie. Not doing as well as i could be haha. I need to pick up my shit. I said that i would, and i even made it my new year's resolution that i would. Therefore starting now, I'm trying harder.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
what is and never should be
I feel like I have a pretty good grip on reality. I try not to be over dramatic about things, i try not to judge people, and i try to be kind to others. Well, i guess i'm not perfect because
1. I kinda am dramatic about things in my own way. When something's really bothering me, i have a habit to just bottle it up, and because of that i get moody, and instead of talking it out, i do the opposite. I just get in a bad mood, and talk to no one. When that happens all i want to do is sleep.
2. I do judge people sometimes. Kinda? i don't know. I feel like I judge people in the sense that i'll see someone i don't know much about, and immediately have an idea of what that person is like. I don't judge people in the sense that i don't get angry at people for doing some stupid things. Because the way i look at it is, of course that person was going to do that stupid thing. The experiences that that person has had in their life made them that way, and they had no control over those experiences, and the way the acted was true to themselves. You can't get angry at someone for being themself.
3. I do believe i'm kind to others. at least i try to. It's just a rule of life for me. I whole heartedly follow that golden rule: "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." it's as simple and as beautiful as that. If the entire world followed the golden rule, it'd be such an amazing place.
So to hell with it. Yeah sometimes i get so sad/angry/confused/so many other fucking emotions i can't handle that all i want to do is escape from the world. And sometimes i'm so happy that you could do anything to me, and i would just look you in the eyes, and love you with all of my heart. I'm really dynamic with my emotions. I think all teenagers are that way?
Last night and this morning were two terrible times for me. I wanted to just get away from everyone. (isn't it crazy that you get depressed because you feel alone, and when you're depressed, all you want to do is be alone?) But right now. Here. 11:23 pm, in the present, I am happy. I'm feeling healthy again, and i got so many things to be happy about.
I hope i don't fall into one of those moods again soon. they really do kill me. That feeling is... in the words of Robert Plant... "What is and never should be." (good quote to end on : ])
1. I kinda am dramatic about things in my own way. When something's really bothering me, i have a habit to just bottle it up, and because of that i get moody, and instead of talking it out, i do the opposite. I just get in a bad mood, and talk to no one. When that happens all i want to do is sleep.
2. I do judge people sometimes. Kinda? i don't know. I feel like I judge people in the sense that i'll see someone i don't know much about, and immediately have an idea of what that person is like. I don't judge people in the sense that i don't get angry at people for doing some stupid things. Because the way i look at it is, of course that person was going to do that stupid thing. The experiences that that person has had in their life made them that way, and they had no control over those experiences, and the way the acted was true to themselves. You can't get angry at someone for being themself.
3. I do believe i'm kind to others. at least i try to. It's just a rule of life for me. I whole heartedly follow that golden rule: "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." it's as simple and as beautiful as that. If the entire world followed the golden rule, it'd be such an amazing place.
So to hell with it. Yeah sometimes i get so sad/angry/confused/so many other fucking emotions i can't handle that all i want to do is escape from the world. And sometimes i'm so happy that you could do anything to me, and i would just look you in the eyes, and love you with all of my heart. I'm really dynamic with my emotions. I think all teenagers are that way?
Last night and this morning were two terrible times for me. I wanted to just get away from everyone. (isn't it crazy that you get depressed because you feel alone, and when you're depressed, all you want to do is be alone?) But right now. Here. 11:23 pm, in the present, I am happy. I'm feeling healthy again, and i got so many things to be happy about.
I hope i don't fall into one of those moods again soon. they really do kill me. That feeling is... in the words of Robert Plant... "What is and never should be." (good quote to end on : ])
i thought
i could go to sleep, and wake up in a better mood. Well i was wrong. I don't want to be around anybody right now.
Monday, January 12, 2009
not in
a good mood at all. I've been sick for days now... And school is still bugging the shit out of me. I'm still not putting forth much effort. Probably the same i did last quarter. I should probably change that.
The singer of my band quit. So that sent us back quite a bit. it honestly restarted our band. We are back to square one. So... we are in need of a singer! And we think we know just who to ask. But the problem is this kid is already in a band, and i happen to be pretty good friends with the guitarist of that band. That means if we get the singer we want, we're totally taking away the singer from my friends band. Douche move.
I'm so tired... I hate it. I need relaxing time. This three day weekend will do me some good.
The singer of my band quit. So that sent us back quite a bit. it honestly restarted our band. We are back to square one. So... we are in need of a singer! And we think we know just who to ask. But the problem is this kid is already in a band, and i happen to be pretty good friends with the guitarist of that band. That means if we get the singer we want, we're totally taking away the singer from my friends band. Douche move.
I'm so tired... I hate it. I need relaxing time. This three day weekend will do me some good.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
haha
i'm totally sitting in mr. foster's science class right now. and when i say science class i mean computer lab. I can't believe this website isn't blocked. Also, i'm pretty sure that its blocked on some computers, and not on others?
I'm enjoying this class alot more this second semester so far. It's because i couldn't give a rats ass about this class last year (2008). now i'm trying! woohoo. Oh mr. foster. You're quite the mystery.
I'm enjoying this class alot more this second semester so far. It's because i couldn't give a rats ass about this class last year (2008). now i'm trying! woohoo. Oh mr. foster. You're quite the mystery.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
the new year
is here. and i'm loving it! woke up this morning to waffles and other delicious breakfast foods made from scratch by my uncle. it was quite a good way to kick off 2009.
oh my god. it's 2009. i mean 2008 was just so intense for me... it literally was the longest year i've ever experienced hands down. All the things i went through changed me so much. I made so many mistakes, and learned so much from them. I feel like I grew and learned so much in 08 that i'm gonna really live 09 to its fullest. Imagine... Imagine a year from now. 2010. Where will i be? Who will be my friends? Will I be happy? that's an insane thought. I probably asked myself that same question a year ago. And now that i know the answer, it's such a strange feeling. I literally had no idea what was in store for me at the beginning of 2008. It was a rollercoaster. it was a plane crash. it was a tragedy. it was amazing. it was lonely. it was full of love. it was full of tears. it was full of laughs. it was full fear. It was beautiful. In the words of Charles Dickens, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Growing up. Its inevitable. I can get as depressed as i want, and watch life pass me by. Or i can embrace it. Honestly i'll probably do both.
2008 will be a year i talk to my children about. hopefully 2009 will be a year i tell the world about. So many things are about to happen.
oh my god. it's 2009. i mean 2008 was just so intense for me... it literally was the longest year i've ever experienced hands down. All the things i went through changed me so much. I made so many mistakes, and learned so much from them. I feel like I grew and learned so much in 08 that i'm gonna really live 09 to its fullest. Imagine... Imagine a year from now. 2010. Where will i be? Who will be my friends? Will I be happy? that's an insane thought. I probably asked myself that same question a year ago. And now that i know the answer, it's such a strange feeling. I literally had no idea what was in store for me at the beginning of 2008. It was a rollercoaster. it was a plane crash. it was a tragedy. it was amazing. it was lonely. it was full of love. it was full of tears. it was full of laughs. it was full fear. It was beautiful. In the words of Charles Dickens, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Growing up. Its inevitable. I can get as depressed as i want, and watch life pass me by. Or i can embrace it. Honestly i'll probably do both.
2008 will be a year i talk to my children about. hopefully 2009 will be a year i tell the world about. So many things are about to happen.
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