what is and never should be

I feel like I have a pretty good grip on reality. I try not to be over dramatic about things, i try not to judge people, and i try to be kind to others. Well, i guess i'm not perfect because

1. I kinda am dramatic about things in my own way. When something's really bothering me, i have a habit to just bottle it up, and because of that i get moody, and instead of talking it out, i do the opposite. I just get in a bad mood, and talk to no one. When that happens all i want to do is sleep.

2. I do judge people sometimes. Kinda? i don't know. I feel like I judge people in the sense that i'll see someone i don't know much about, and immediately have an idea of what that person is like. I don't judge people in the sense that i don't get angry at people for doing some stupid things. Because the way i look at it is, of course that person was going to do that stupid thing. The experiences that that person has had in their life made them that way, and they had no control over those experiences, and the way the acted was true to themselves. You can't get angry at someone for being themself.

3. I do believe i'm kind to others. at least i try to. It's just a rule of life for me. I whole heartedly follow that golden rule: "Treat others the way you wish to be treated." it's as simple and as beautiful as that. If the entire world followed the golden rule, it'd be such an amazing place.


So to hell with it. Yeah sometimes i get so sad/angry/confused/so many other fucking emotions i can't handle that all i want to do is escape from the world. And sometimes i'm so happy that you could do anything to me, and i would just look you in the eyes, and love you with all of my heart. I'm really dynamic with my emotions. I think all teenagers are that way?

Last night and this morning were two terrible times for me. I wanted to just get away from everyone. (isn't it crazy that you get depressed because you feel alone, and when you're depressed, all you want to do is be alone?) But right now. Here. 11:23 pm, in the present, I am happy. I'm feeling healthy again, and i got so many things to be happy about.

I hope i don't fall into one of those moods again soon. they really do kill me. That feeling is... in the words of Robert Plant... "What is and never should be." (good quote to end on : ])