FUCK

well now that the first day of finals is over, i have a basic idea of what my GPA is. And well fuck. Not what i want it to be. I'm capable of so much better and i know it. I just don't apply myself. its a terrible habit, and i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to break it. every semester its "this time i'll do better, i won't fuck up." well, yeah, i'm saying that again. But looking at my past, its clear to see that i won't do better. i'll just end up being me, and not try.

But then again i do try. I try at what i care for. School isn't at the top of my priorities. Is that a bad thing? I feel like i know what i want to do in life, and school doesn't effect how it turns out. But what if ten years down the line i realized that banking on one thing was the biggest fucking mistake i've ever made. Maybe i'll wake up one day, 30 years old, without a clue what i'm doing with myself just because i didn't apply myself at an earlier age. That's one of my greatest fears.