i haven't posted in so so long. and honestly it might be awhile before i post again.
Right now i'm in a weird place. I don't know how i feel about it.
high school.
Quite an interesting place to be.
I know friends grow apart. It sucks. It's just part of life! but still. sometimes its really hard to deal with. sometimes the growing apart is over the silliest things. and i hate that.
I miss a lot of things. But at the same time, there are things in my life right now that are so perfect that the things that i miss don't even matter. Today was a scary day. I don't want to lose something that i've worked at so much for. I'm doing what i'm doing for a reason. Because i know it's what i want, and i hope it's mutual.
I'm kinda sad. I want a certain somebody right now. I miss her.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
i feel
so sick. Never shall i ever drink one of my delicious smoothies this fast again.
(yes. i'm back in the habit of making my delicious smoothies. Best habit ever!)
sooooooooooooooooo.
This was a very odd weekend for me. it felt very eventful for me and very uneventful at the same time. Friday night was lovely. went to the melting pot, and then watched a movie afterwards at my house. Melting pot was delicious, and the movie was really fun : ]
Saturday through sunday was interesting. I'm not gonna really post about it because it would take way too long to describe my epicly long and boring weekend haha (So i guess it wasn't interesting?)
so lets blog about something interesting! (i'm over using the word interesting)
how about music?
naw. that'd be too like me. (all i post about is my band)
how about changing who we are as people? yes. i've been thinking about that alot this weekend.
(Not much else to do.)
question: How does one change something about themselves that needs to be changed?
answer: By taking the initiative, and by using will power. First off, make sure the change that you are instilling within yourself is a good change. Not all change needs to be immediate. Sometimes baby steps are very effective. (believe me.) I'm trying to change, and I'm sure the benefits outweigh the negatives. I don't absolutely need the change. But I want to because it'll mean the happiness and love of another. There was alot of downtime for me this weekend. it was hard for me, i'm not gonna lie haha.
I'm so unfamiliar with boredom. I don't know what to do with it. I fear it. I loathe it. I truly believe it is my greatest practical fear. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like when i get bored, i'm terrified and start crying. It's just that when i'm bored i don't know what to do with myself. I get depressed. Sometimes i get really depressed.
I think that's why i turned to so many things i have in the past. They never let me get bored. And now that i'm slowly weaning myself from those things, I'm finding that i have more and more time with nothing to do. I play lots of guitar. I watch lots of tv. But i feel like no matter how much time i spend doing the two, they will never be enough to fill the downtime i have. It's hard for me.
Now, i know that everyone has to put up with the same shit i do. I really don't want to come across as a complainer (though i think i am coming across as one). Everyone has their stupid flaws. i guess mine is time management.
Anyways! back to people changing parts of themselves! Change can be difficult. Change can be so fucking hard you don't know how to go about doing it. But just remember the reason why you're changing. If it's not worth the change, then maybe you're wasting your time. But maybe it is worth the change. And if it is, then please god. Change.
(by the way. every comment i made in parentheses was made after the original post when i reread it. yep. i'm bored. uh oh haha)
(yes. i'm back in the habit of making my delicious smoothies. Best habit ever!)
sooooooooooooooooo.
This was a very odd weekend for me. it felt very eventful for me and very uneventful at the same time. Friday night was lovely. went to the melting pot, and then watched a movie afterwards at my house. Melting pot was delicious, and the movie was really fun : ]
Saturday through sunday was interesting. I'm not gonna really post about it because it would take way too long to describe my epicly long and boring weekend haha (So i guess it wasn't interesting?)
so lets blog about something interesting! (i'm over using the word interesting)
how about music?
naw. that'd be too like me. (all i post about is my band)
how about changing who we are as people? yes. i've been thinking about that alot this weekend.
(Not much else to do.)
question: How does one change something about themselves that needs to be changed?
answer: By taking the initiative, and by using will power. First off, make sure the change that you are instilling within yourself is a good change. Not all change needs to be immediate. Sometimes baby steps are very effective. (believe me.) I'm trying to change, and I'm sure the benefits outweigh the negatives. I don't absolutely need the change. But I want to because it'll mean the happiness and love of another. There was alot of downtime for me this weekend. it was hard for me, i'm not gonna lie haha.
I'm so unfamiliar with boredom. I don't know what to do with it. I fear it. I loathe it. I truly believe it is my greatest practical fear. I don't know why. I mean, it's not like when i get bored, i'm terrified and start crying. It's just that when i'm bored i don't know what to do with myself. I get depressed. Sometimes i get really depressed.
I think that's why i turned to so many things i have in the past. They never let me get bored. And now that i'm slowly weaning myself from those things, I'm finding that i have more and more time with nothing to do. I play lots of guitar. I watch lots of tv. But i feel like no matter how much time i spend doing the two, they will never be enough to fill the downtime i have. It's hard for me.
Now, i know that everyone has to put up with the same shit i do. I really don't want to come across as a complainer (though i think i am coming across as one). Everyone has their stupid flaws. i guess mine is time management.
Anyways! back to people changing parts of themselves! Change can be difficult. Change can be so fucking hard you don't know how to go about doing it. But just remember the reason why you're changing. If it's not worth the change, then maybe you're wasting your time. But maybe it is worth the change. And if it is, then please god. Change.
(by the way. every comment i made in parentheses was made after the original post when i reread it. yep. i'm bored. uh oh haha)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
some thoughts
well i haven't really posted anything in a long while. and i also don't really know what to post about.
I guess i can talk about how i'm feeling right now.
Well for one thing. School. sucks. big. time. Yeah yeah, it's my fault that i didn't apply myself as much as i could have. and people telling me that really doesn't help. It's not like i don't already know.
Band wise everythings good. We got alot of material on the way. We haven't posted anything on myspace for agesssss because we've hit a few bumps along the way. But i feel we're fully recovered now, and will have at least 2 or 3 new songs up within a week or two. and we'll certainly have more coming very soon. it's just hard recording so much material. it takes time. and money.
I'm in a blah mood right now. I want to post something really awesome and really thought provoking. But i just don't think i have it in me tonight. A few thoughts on my mind. some great. and some make me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm driving alot! at least 20-30 minutes a day. Doesn't sound like that much, but i'm starting to get the hang of it for sure. Easy as pie.
Reading a new book. It's called the broker, by john grisham. it's very good if i do say so myself. it kinda makes me want to be a lawyer or something. (which is ironic because it's about lawyers and brokers being killed.)
I need sleep. When i wake up, i'll be in a much better mood! Maybe next post will be better. sorry!
I guess i can talk about how i'm feeling right now.
Well for one thing. School. sucks. big. time. Yeah yeah, it's my fault that i didn't apply myself as much as i could have. and people telling me that really doesn't help. It's not like i don't already know.
Band wise everythings good. We got alot of material on the way. We haven't posted anything on myspace for agesssss because we've hit a few bumps along the way. But i feel we're fully recovered now, and will have at least 2 or 3 new songs up within a week or two. and we'll certainly have more coming very soon. it's just hard recording so much material. it takes time. and money.
I'm in a blah mood right now. I want to post something really awesome and really thought provoking. But i just don't think i have it in me tonight. A few thoughts on my mind. some great. and some make me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm driving alot! at least 20-30 minutes a day. Doesn't sound like that much, but i'm starting to get the hang of it for sure. Easy as pie.
Reading a new book. It's called the broker, by john grisham. it's very good if i do say so myself. it kinda makes me want to be a lawyer or something. (which is ironic because it's about lawyers and brokers being killed.)
I need sleep. When i wake up, i'll be in a much better mood! Maybe next post will be better. sorry!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
some thoughts
on tonight's performance.
1. vocals were a little quiet.
2. Guitar was too loud.
3. bass was WAY too quiet.
4. Drums were a little bit quite.
5. I cannot fucking believe that in the program it said "casey cantor's band". that's seriously awful. that makes me so angry. i feel terrible.
6. The crowd didn't dig us. They were there for the hip hop and stuff. They just didn't get us, and it was a weird feeling.
7. We as a band played pretty good.
So overall, everything that went wrong was completely our of our control. I'm a little down because so many things did go wrong. But hey! there's nothing i could have done about it. It was a fun night, and i'm pumped for the STAND benefit concert. (Which we're closing for!!!)
1. vocals were a little quiet.
2. Guitar was too loud.
3. bass was WAY too quiet.
4. Drums were a little bit quite.
5. I cannot fucking believe that in the program it said "casey cantor's band". that's seriously awful. that makes me so angry. i feel terrible.
6. The crowd didn't dig us. They were there for the hip hop and stuff. They just didn't get us, and it was a weird feeling.
7. We as a band played pretty good.
So overall, everything that went wrong was completely our of our control. I'm a little down because so many things did go wrong. But hey! there's nothing i could have done about it. It was a fun night, and i'm pumped for the STAND benefit concert. (Which we're closing for!!!)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
i'm such
a teenager.
Mood swings like crazy lately.
a little down.
very tired.
there's a cup of 8 hour old coffee in front of me.
That means my dad was here earlier.
I embarrass myself sometimes. right now for instance. i need to grow up!
Mood swings like crazy lately.
a little down.
very tired.
there's a cup of 8 hour old coffee in front of me.
That means my dad was here earlier.
I embarrass myself sometimes. right now for instance. i need to grow up!
Monday, February 2, 2009
i totally just spent
like 30 minutes reading all of the comments left on my myspace ever. And i mean ever. It was... Insane. like. Insane.
Life sometimes is just too much to handle. All the places i've been, all the people i've known, and all the things i've learned make me who i am today.
It's crazy to think all the places you've been in life. When i say places i don't mean actual literal physcial places. I mean who you're friends with, how old you are, how you view life, what your problems are, etc.
6th grade. Times were so simple then. Just coming into middle school. I couldn't tell you much about this time in my life. It was so long ago. I came into Aki-mel with Brandon Mahoney as my best friend in the whole wide world. But i sit down in my first period class, and Alex Brink is just staring me in the eye. Bam. New best friend. Also, before this, i didn't really have any paticuliar interests in life. But Alex got me into Led Zeppelin in 6th grade, and ultimately, music itself. Yep. Alex Brink basically is responsible for who i am today. He truly is one of the best friends a kid could ask for. I mean god damn. I never really think about it. He has done so much for me. I love him to death.
7th grade. This was a very interesting year for me. I started to become pretty damn social, and this was also when i started to get a feel for who my closest friends were. This was probably the time when everybody started getting into their own little groups of friends. I know i did. It was me, alex, zaki, alec, and zach. (i really hope i'm not forgetting anyone.) We played alot of video games. Hung out all the time, and chilled with some other pretty cool people. I have fond memories of this point in my life. I'd have to say it was some of the happiest times of my life. Not a worry in the world. (it was 7th grade. what was there to worry about!). So, not only were there alot of really close guy friends, i had alot of girls effect my life then too.
I started off the year with a HUGE crush on Kylie Harmon haha. She was my first girlfriend in sixth grade, and i was totally into her still. oh my god i was so awkward around her! anyways, bad things happened between me and her. Such a long story. But we ended up making up, and being pretty close friends later that year. (i still was pretty into her throughout most of 7th grade haha) I also got really close to a girl named Roseana Kirgis. We were literally best friends for quite awhile. She really was a big part of my life around then. And around octoberish, I asked out a girl named Ashley Swazey. We went out for a total of... what... a week or two? that doesn't matter. What was crazy about that was that I ended up sitting at her lunch table one day, and she introduced me to a girl name Courtney Hillbrands. And that was the start of a very long, emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
So Courtney, Alex, Roseana, and I became closer than you can imagine. It was pretty intense sometimes.
Also, I was pretty into this girl named Hannah Ross the second half of that year. I ended up asking her out near the end of it. I don't really want to get into details about that haha. We went out for about two months. Well, i ended being a terrible person, and broke up with her that summer, and the next day asked out courtney. (talk about insensitive.)
8th grade. I could write an entire book on this year. It was the second most life changing year of my life. This was the year that i started to bloom into who i am today. Because there's no possible way i could tell you everything that happened this year, i'll just write a little bit (i'll probably write another post dedicated to this year). I dated Courtney the whole year. I'm not really going to talk about that. I'm sure all of you know enough about it. It was full of laughs, tears, and so many other things.
But i met another person who changed my life forever that year. Her name was Ms. Piendel. She changed me from just some other middle schooler to a kid who had beliefs, who cared about what was going on in the world, and who believed he could make a difference. She opened my eyes to so much. I really credit her my very view on life. My compassion was sparked by her. I don't speak to her anymore. It kills me inside. She really has been the most influential person in my life to an extent. I'll honestly probably write another post about her too!
9th grade. oh my god. 9th grade. It's funny. This by far was the most influential year of my life to date. I grew. I grew so, so much. Honestly, ninth grade was like fucking BC and AD for me. Before 9th grade was an enitrely different life for me. When i hit high school, i became a completely different person, but at the same time, i retained who i truly was. So ultimately, i am and always was the same Casey i've always been, I was just a different expression of that person.
There were two sides to me that year. There was speech and debate casey, and there was inner struggle casey haha.
I fought that fight in so many different ways. At the time, it seemed like there was no hope. That school year was insane. Too insane. It changed me. But you know what? I know that change was for the better. I wouldn't change a god damn fucking thing about it.
That summer was another great summer. I spent it with my best friends in the whole world at the time. Alex, Ryan, and Gabe. I love all of those guys.
10th grade. It's not over yet. I'm definitely going to talk about this year in depth in another post. But i will say a few words about it. I feel like i'm a very sensible person now. 9th grade was such an amazing year of growth for me, and I put that growth to use this year. I'm in the best place i've been in for such a long time. I'm doing everything the way i want to. Which is exactly what you have got to do.
Be yourself. Be forgiving. Be kind. Be selfless. Be ambitious. Be lazy. Be stupid. Be smart. Be what you've always wanted to be!
So if you read this whole post, wow. I'm impressed haha. That was a very very thin outline of my middle school days to my present. And i mean thin! I'm inspired to talk more about my past in future posts : ]
I started this post feeling a bit sad because time passes by so quick, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never, ever get it back. Sure you lose friends, and people you know may grow apart, but hey. that's life! i'm sorry, that's just how it is. Why get sad? that process is inevitable. Instead, you should be optimistic. It really is the only sensible way to live life. Make new friends. Cherish the ones you have now. Love your parents. Hug your pets. Because pretty soon, you'll be posting blogs about this time in your life! Why not make this a time you love to think about, because it makes you smile.
Life sometimes is just too much to handle. All the places i've been, all the people i've known, and all the things i've learned make me who i am today.
It's crazy to think all the places you've been in life. When i say places i don't mean actual literal physcial places. I mean who you're friends with, how old you are, how you view life, what your problems are, etc.
6th grade. Times were so simple then. Just coming into middle school. I couldn't tell you much about this time in my life. It was so long ago. I came into Aki-mel with Brandon Mahoney as my best friend in the whole wide world. But i sit down in my first period class, and Alex Brink is just staring me in the eye. Bam. New best friend. Also, before this, i didn't really have any paticuliar interests in life. But Alex got me into Led Zeppelin in 6th grade, and ultimately, music itself. Yep. Alex Brink basically is responsible for who i am today. He truly is one of the best friends a kid could ask for. I mean god damn. I never really think about it. He has done so much for me. I love him to death.
7th grade. This was a very interesting year for me. I started to become pretty damn social, and this was also when i started to get a feel for who my closest friends were. This was probably the time when everybody started getting into their own little groups of friends. I know i did. It was me, alex, zaki, alec, and zach. (i really hope i'm not forgetting anyone.) We played alot of video games. Hung out all the time, and chilled with some other pretty cool people. I have fond memories of this point in my life. I'd have to say it was some of the happiest times of my life. Not a worry in the world. (it was 7th grade. what was there to worry about!). So, not only were there alot of really close guy friends, i had alot of girls effect my life then too.
I started off the year with a HUGE crush on Kylie Harmon haha. She was my first girlfriend in sixth grade, and i was totally into her still. oh my god i was so awkward around her! anyways, bad things happened between me and her. Such a long story. But we ended up making up, and being pretty close friends later that year. (i still was pretty into her throughout most of 7th grade haha) I also got really close to a girl named Roseana Kirgis. We were literally best friends for quite awhile. She really was a big part of my life around then. And around octoberish, I asked out a girl named Ashley Swazey. We went out for a total of... what... a week or two? that doesn't matter. What was crazy about that was that I ended up sitting at her lunch table one day, and she introduced me to a girl name Courtney Hillbrands. And that was the start of a very long, emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.
So Courtney, Alex, Roseana, and I became closer than you can imagine. It was pretty intense sometimes.
Also, I was pretty into this girl named Hannah Ross the second half of that year. I ended up asking her out near the end of it. I don't really want to get into details about that haha. We went out for about two months. Well, i ended being a terrible person, and broke up with her that summer, and the next day asked out courtney. (talk about insensitive.)
8th grade. I could write an entire book on this year. It was the second most life changing year of my life. This was the year that i started to bloom into who i am today. Because there's no possible way i could tell you everything that happened this year, i'll just write a little bit (i'll probably write another post dedicated to this year). I dated Courtney the whole year. I'm not really going to talk about that. I'm sure all of you know enough about it. It was full of laughs, tears, and so many other things.
But i met another person who changed my life forever that year. Her name was Ms. Piendel. She changed me from just some other middle schooler to a kid who had beliefs, who cared about what was going on in the world, and who believed he could make a difference. She opened my eyes to so much. I really credit her my very view on life. My compassion was sparked by her. I don't speak to her anymore. It kills me inside. She really has been the most influential person in my life to an extent. I'll honestly probably write another post about her too!
9th grade. oh my god. 9th grade. It's funny. This by far was the most influential year of my life to date. I grew. I grew so, so much. Honestly, ninth grade was like fucking BC and AD for me. Before 9th grade was an enitrely different life for me. When i hit high school, i became a completely different person, but at the same time, i retained who i truly was. So ultimately, i am and always was the same Casey i've always been, I was just a different expression of that person.
There were two sides to me that year. There was speech and debate casey, and there was inner struggle casey haha.
I fought that fight in so many different ways. At the time, it seemed like there was no hope. That school year was insane. Too insane. It changed me. But you know what? I know that change was for the better. I wouldn't change a god damn fucking thing about it.
That summer was another great summer. I spent it with my best friends in the whole world at the time. Alex, Ryan, and Gabe. I love all of those guys.
10th grade. It's not over yet. I'm definitely going to talk about this year in depth in another post. But i will say a few words about it. I feel like i'm a very sensible person now. 9th grade was such an amazing year of growth for me, and I put that growth to use this year. I'm in the best place i've been in for such a long time. I'm doing everything the way i want to. Which is exactly what you have got to do.
Be yourself. Be forgiving. Be kind. Be selfless. Be ambitious. Be lazy. Be stupid. Be smart. Be what you've always wanted to be!
So if you read this whole post, wow. I'm impressed haha. That was a very very thin outline of my middle school days to my present. And i mean thin! I'm inspired to talk more about my past in future posts : ]
I started this post feeling a bit sad because time passes by so quick, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never, ever get it back. Sure you lose friends, and people you know may grow apart, but hey. that's life! i'm sorry, that's just how it is. Why get sad? that process is inevitable. Instead, you should be optimistic. It really is the only sensible way to live life. Make new friends. Cherish the ones you have now. Love your parents. Hug your pets. Because pretty soon, you'll be posting blogs about this time in your life! Why not make this a time you love to think about, because it makes you smile.
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