I'm

miserable! I got the chills, but I'm sweating like mad. 102 degree temperature. These past three days have just been excellent.

In other news.

I'm so full of hate, which is weird because I've never felt hate like this in my whole life. I had always been free spirited, and I had always looked at the silver lining. I'm sure most people go through phases like this. It's like a cloud hanging above me, and I can't tell which direction is out. I was planning on experiencing something this week that I haven't experienced in awhile. I was hoping it'd help get rid of that cloud, and open my eyes. But now I guess I'll never know. I feel so much anger, hatred, and spite.

Last night my fever went from 98.6 to 102.4 in about an hour. I swear when you get that sick, and you're laying in bed, you seriously hallucinate. Every inch of my body hurt. That combined with the cloud made for a terrible night. My thoughts didn't make any sense, and I turned to someone who I knew wouldn't help. I shouldn't put the onus on people like that, expecting them to pull through for me.

I can't even put into words the disappointment i feel. In myself, in others... I've become a selfish being this summer. I've honestly thought about that for awhile now. I think that I just became more and more selfish throughout all of sophomore year. And finally when the cards didn't go my way, my true colors showed. Coming into sophomore year, I think I was in the best mindset I've ever been in. Coming out of sophomore year, I think i'm in the worst.

People always say that the grass is always greener on the other side. That's why nostalgia is a bitch, and so many people fall victim to it. I think that one's past sounds great, but in reality, its just as good as their present. You just have to look for it.

I'm a hippocrit.